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Everything Forbidden Becomes Desirable......

Joanne Nicole Wee
Photobucket


follow nicjo at http://twitter.com

Verbal Diarrhoea

----------------------------------------------

The others

Jem
Jon
VaL
Nim
Audrey

Frozen in time



Friday, June 13, 2003

Today's my last day of work..which also means my last day i be blogging daily..unless of course i hang out at some cyber cafe..dont think so though..i mean im supposed to be alone for awhile..well cheryl..thanks for the entry that's written just for me...yesterday when i saw some hope in something...it faded just right before my eyes..i dunno if God is trying to tell me what im doing is wrong..but im trying to please everyone..that's my whole problem...i try to be nice to everyone and in the end it doesnt come out the way i want it to..hUiling thanks for being a sweetie and call me to check if im alive..im dearie...but well...i just need lotsa time and alot alot of deep thoughts..cant sleep well at night too..i mean all my dreams are muffled n very confused..u know it's like my dreams are like a whirlwind..i cant remember what i dream..it's like a haze...ohh well... the price to pay for being selfish........

I know you're suffering..no one said you wasnt..and no im not only concern for -ahem-...come on you know that..if i didnt care would i bother to msg you?!i mean i intent to off my handphone and you know vanish for awhile...but cos i know you will crumble and i do care for you that im doing all these..right now since you say you're going to walk away i shall respect your decision..and no..stop asking me to be with -ahem-...it's like i know you're being very nice n giving but hey i will make that decision...jem im so sorry i caused youso much trouble..i didnt want to pull you into this..i owe you one..something that i cannot repay in my lifetime..but hey if you ever bump into any probs with -ahem- do lemme know if you need help or if you're broke again okay!?hahhah..i be your ATM...you've been such a great friend and me?im just a plain jerK...thanks again okay?! i know you're trying to help me and yet i refuse to accept your outstreched arm...sorry yeah...

Had a very god lunch today..met geneva...well she's the same..hating humans and squealling all the te..miss the times where she poke us n ask "what u all wanna eat for lunch!?" hahah!and her RUSH n BARGE thingy..the hand motion..only me n val n the BSS pple know what the hell im talking about...yes lah..im actually saying nice things about you..my gad..what am i doing??!whahaha...anyway gen made us a really ncie purse thingy!GEN it's really nice!thank u!!!it's so cute i was so touched man! okay yes it's nice..and well coming from someone so egoistic it is nice okay...cant believe im praising u..but well..i think it's very sweet of you and NO it's NOT UGLY!stop saying that....okay i better get back to chatting with u all...

Alright my last day at wrk is almost up...and well my colleague derek is very nice..he bought us stuff..and we dont even know him that well..ohh well..hard to find guys like that ... gota go take pics...

size doesnt matter.
the whale is endangered but the ant is doing very fine.
thank you. smthg crappy frm val..hahah!

4:57 PM
In the words of jo
Thursday, June 12, 2003

We used to go for coffee and
We used to go talk...........

OKay great blogger gave up on me too..what a bummer..and i was suppose to be mad..anway..today is not going to be a good day either..did very lttle entries..but well who cares i mean...yeah..Well just heard some pug jelly song..have ben frantically finding the lyrics cos it means so much to me now..n hmm the song Downtown by petula clark is a very nice happy song...well at least i think it's happy..maybe i should have quit my job last week so it wont have to be a torture to go work everyday..i mean dragging yourself from the comforts of your room to the dull office..and yeah more over in the morning you get bombarded by messages you dont wanna read..well not that im complaining that i have alot of messages but right now the messages wont be pleasant....so yeah everytime i get a message i wonder how issit... and why is everyone asking whether im alright?!i mean well..good news pal im ALIVE!..it's either dead or alive..how bad can that be!?but well i will hang there...i mean lets hope so...im sick of everything..i wanna shut the world up...

Yeap im re-blogging..but well..val let me hear this so damn damn damn sad song..called "Out Of Love" by wither OTT or air supply,,,ohh gad that song is soo nice..and well val n mich send me songs yesterday..so nice..it's the downtown song n mich send me jian dan ai [tho it's so unrealistic] ..and urm shi jie mo ri... wao..it's such sad sappy song.. eh mich sexy girl song!! haha...thanks to val n jem n shirlyn for comforting me...54603.according to mich..it's love ya to bits..thanks...dont worry if i dont blog daily after i quit my job.. officially it's tmr.. friday..cos you see i dont want to waste electricity bill and my mom wouldnt like the idea of me blogging the whole day...so maybe it be twice a week or once a week..lets see how...

ALright it's 3.23pm and im done with my 31 entries..not alot but well..cos there's alot on my mind..and im in a dilemma..of course i cant bloody say anything cos i might get well skinned alive if those people who are not suppose to read this does in the end...that's the problem with public blogs..they expect you to be happy all the tme and your kinda not allowed to DISS poeple in your own blog..how ironic..anyway,..though i hate to praise GENEVA NG but it's true that she is a very good advisor and listener..i was just rambling yesterday and she listened and gave me alot of well good stuff...n shirlyn toOO!not fair..i want that talent..hurhur..but thanks geneva for listening me blabbering at what 11pm!?and thanks for your concern n open-minded-ness..

Hope all this will come to an end..i mean if this continues not only will the rest breakdown...i think im gonna check myself into IMH..institute of mental health..then i can be like Angelina JOlie..wao?!in this show called "girL interrupted"...very nice...ohh well that's how come i came to hear the downtown song..well.. coOL...and before i forget..i think i wanna say this.would never say the person's name..i respect that person's...alright.. YOU msg me when i was about to reach wrk and say you lost blah blah ........ which means it's me..you know the moment you said that i heard a dull crack in my heart..u manage to break my ohh so cold heart...i mean it's not thinking in the ahem way but you know it.....you do..you just chose to diss me..i mean im not feeling on cloud 9 too..if i would..im either hitler or stalin..but no im joanne...though cold but i still have some emotion left..and yeah congrats man..if you really want me to break and crumble..you are on your way to accomplish it..after that when im gone..just dont forget im still joanne who can feel hurt..those who are reading this..it's someone you would never guess lah cos you wouldnt understand..i mean yeah...it's someone whom you all wont know..or even if you do..just keave me alone n let me blog... ohh well it's time to go home..hope whatever i say wouldnt offend anyone....fuck away....

I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you're hurt too but what else can we do,
tormented and torn apart
I wish I could carry your smile in my heart
For times when my life seems so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

*chorus*
I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you?
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong



4:56 PM
In the words of jo
Wednesday, June 11, 2003

It's funny how things NEVER work out the way you want it to..you know you have the power of changing something but yet in the end it just comes out as "it never work out jo"...im the the sole cause of the trouble and if u think it's u that has to back out..i dont think so..my heart!? what about my heart..it's only an organ that's beating and keeping my very soul alive now..the other functions of having emotions and feeling pain is totally gone..GONE...im numb..im confuse..you wanna just kill yourself to make everything good again yet you cant..why!?cos you still have your family to worry about..as in how your parents might think about you and all..looks like i have to put on my mask again...i thought the show has ended and i can stop wearing it after monday but i guess..now i have to have a variety of mask..one to put on when im otu..the other at work and the other at home..how ironic..at home?!...never mind me...i think i will stay away from al of you for awhile..let my brain rest and i be super fine..i hope..

Thank God blogger is working..or else..well..stace..never be the same again huh?!*OUCH* well...i dunno.. anyway..i made so many people angry frsutrated and sad... hey Thanks everyone for asking how im okay!?i should be fine..lalala..i think so...Well famous five..i think it's more like fucking five now..i dunno..m i being vulgar..oops im sorry pal..if u think im vulgar then go ahead and think....im at the end of the line..im..save me...but then again..whu wanna save me?!im the world's most idiotic JERK!ohh yes im... thank u everyone..for asking...n well it's 4.45pm....time to be happy.. *forced smile*.... hahah thanks u guys...

You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure I'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry


Which [Finding Nemo] characters are you?





4:50 PM
In the words of jo
Tuesday, June 10, 2003

>>i dont have the heart to hurt you
It's the last thing that i would do..
But i dont have the heart to love you
The way you want me to....

WHat an opening...but at urm ard 7.30pm last night..my life is screwed upside down..i dont wish to talk abt the details but i realy thank MIch n VaL for u know..being there to help me out and all..well i was right the famous five might break up in the end..and it's just me n my selfish quest..was it worth it..no a big fat NO! blogger was down in the morning ..i had so much to say..but now it's just all jumbled up and i just dont know where to start...but all i can say that is i regret saying big time n yeah bessy you're so right.. "what difference does it make?what will it prove?!" what i can tell you is that it proves i do care about ahem u noe who that's why i would say..n that's why i say it ends there...it's not easy for me tell so many people n i said it the best i could..i know im selfish im an asshole,self centred f**ker...yeap that's me..joanne the asshole..some people might be rejoicing that im actually proclaiming to be an asshole but now i dont really care..say what u say what say u..

alright i blogged very little today cos u c..i dunno what i should n shouldnt do now..should i care or not?!should i stay or should i go?!i mean if it makes everyone better by me going away i do that gracious favour..and well today's another bloody day..with jem's prob my prob and well things that could but couldnt work out..hope agst HOPE! *pss* familiar ar..hahah but it's just the way it is now..i screwed my own freaking life by making a wrong decision and i have to lvie with it..i dont know i dont know....i mean everyone wanna help me but i have to try n help myself eh?!ohh what the fuck...yes im saying fuck no !@#$%^& anymore..im tired..im i really am..why am i in this sorry statE?with something reachable but yet not reachable...God pls i need your help..........pls...i want everytg to be good again..i so want it..to be good... bloody asshole world.... "nice song quote..think well it means smthg"

I call you up whenever things go wrong
You're always there
You are my shoulder to cry on
I can't believe it took me so long
To take the forbidden step
Is this something that I might regret
(Come on come on)
Novthing ventured nothing gained
(You are the one)
A lonely heart that can't be tamed
(Come on come on)
I'm hoping that you feel the same
This is something that I can't forget

I thought that we would just be friends
Things will never be the same again
It's just the beginning it's not the end
Things will never be the same again
It's not a secret anymore
Now we've opened up the door
Starting tonight and from now on
We'll never, never be the same again
Never be the same again

Now I know that we were close before
I'm glad I realised I need you so much more
And I don't care what every one will say
It's about you and me
And we'll never be the same again

I though that we would just be friends
(Oh yeah)
Things will never be the same again
Never be the same again
It's just the beginnning it's not the end
(We've only just begun)
Things will never be the same again
It's not a secret anymore
Now we've opened up the door
(Opened up the door)
Starting tonight and from now on
We'll never never be the same again
Never be the same again

[Left Eye (rap):]

Nite and day
Black beach sand to red clay
The US to UK
NYC to LA
From sidewalks to highways
See it'll never be the same
What I'm sayin' my mind frame never changed til you
came and rearranged
But sometimes it seems completely forbidden
To discover those feelings that we kept so well hidden
When there's no competition
And you render my condition
Though improbable it's not impossible
For a love that could be unstoppable
But wait
A fine line's between fate and destiny
Do you belive in the things that were just meant to be?
When you tell me the stories of your quest for me
Picturesque is the picture you paint effortlessly and
As our energies mix and begin to mulitply
Everyday situations
They start to simplfy
So things will never be the same between you and I
We intertwined our life forces and now we're unified

Read it......READ THE DAMN LYRICS>>dont just scroll down......




1:57 PM
In the words of jo
Monday, June 09, 2003

THANKS TO ALL THE SWEETIES AND HUNKS WHO LEFT LIKE 11 COMMENTS ON MY BLOG!AWW MAN! THANKS U GUYS!NOW I KNOW I HAVE ALOT OF MORAL SUPPORT FROM MY FRIENDS

ALright today might be the best day of my life or the worse day of my frigging life...well at 19 not much things should be so dramatic that you have to blog about..but since it's my blog..i write what i freaking want..one thing i must say..liking people whoever they might be is not very prospective...i dunno..im just muddled up..and i wish i could tell a very big lie..although when im in heaven i will have to pay for it but if it's worth it.. i would do it...i need a sign..a sign...someone can come up to me and say..dont say it joanne..dont do it..but URGH!i need to hold it back for someone....F**king shit...but well in the end i might lose them just the same..so what the hell huh?! get over and done with issit?!f**k !!!f**k!!! F**k!!!....i didnt say anything vulgar did i!?so i wont get blamed if some 5 yr old kid reads this..not that there is but well..just in case..so i wont get sued for blasphemies that i utter from my mouth...am in the wrong state of mind to blog but i just cant help it..i really cant...somebody help me pls..................

Okay the whole thingy i hope will go well..heng val n mich gonna be with me..came only in the afternoon today..couldnt get to sleep man..i think im highly stressed up...oh well..i woke up in the morning and just mummbled i needed to sleep n i k.o...so i didnt msg val..and she thought i be late...haha then i was like helLlooooooooooooooooooo?!?!??! *brain not functioning* then i mumbled urm im taking half day... haha then instead of msging her i msg jem! kaU!jem didnt some today..so im like alone...ohh well...it's oaky lahz..im use to it..woah she yest play until so late..naughty girl... now pia-g doin random..did 64 filling..now pia-g agn..what's new?!

hmm...my dear friends...after what im gona tell u today..i mean my famous 5 friends..ignore me if u must but dont hate me..oaky!?im trying my best to do what i can n i hope u all too..had lotsa fun with u all during this time..as in these few months..oh well..thanks for being my friends.... thank you...wao..so drama..but yeah it meant to be like that....

>>Stand by me..
Nobody knows what's going to be
Stand by me...
Nobody knows the way it's going to be


4:51 PM
In the words of jo