Come Lord, Come Lord Jesus,
Give your people hope,
Come Lord, Come Lord Jesus,
And lead your people home….
This Whole World Starts Getting Me Down, And People Are Just Too Much For Me to Bear..
Sometimes all it takes is constant insults from the ones dear to you before you start to loathe yourself real bad. You hate the way you’re created, you hate the way you think and of course you blame yourself for not being like the “rest of the crowd”, girly and normal with fundamentally huge assets so no one would mistake you for a guy.
It doesn’t really help when your own godma diss you big time in front of your parents about how she can mistake you for a guy. Well, fuck her.. no not literally, if that was the case I jump and kill myself. I think she is entitled to her own opinion if she keeps it in the safe sanctuary of her puny brain and not rant and rave like it’s a must for her to, if not she might just implode and become fat or maybe die from internal injuries. I’m actually being very kind already, if you hear the things that she utter out of her foul mouth, you would understand my plight, in fact you would be screaming vulgarities at her or even worse sever ties with her. Actually I would, if not for my parents pride, dignity and what not. If I have the chance I would have given her a piece of my mind but it wouldn’t be a pleasant one.
In fact she has drop hints of wanting to have high tea with me, and ask when does my exams end. Well I rather not go, in case she turns me geeky, like her sons and daughters. How gross, I rather be a corpse than let her change me. In fact if she treats me for high tea, I think I would get indigestion cos the food would be stuck and not go down.
Pardon me if my entry seems the same as previous ones whereby I blog about how people insult me and wished with all their hearts that I change to be like Cinderella. Well it will happen in time to come for now why cant everyone just leave me A-L-O-N-E. If only they know the things I have sacrifice for them, then will they understand my pain, my sorrow, the nights I called people up to cry secretly so they wont feel bad diss-ing me, if only they knew I’m changing but taking infant steps at a time instead of dinosaurs steps, if only..if only… what’s the use, they have condemned me, why cant they stop to think that I don’t wish to be born this way too? That I sincerely wish with all my heart that I be like normal girls.
Everything I do, I do for you, so why cant you accept me? I’m your flesh and blood. I know you don’t hate me, but you hate the clothes I wear. If all you want is a bf from me, it’s really not a problem. All I have to do is scroll down my phonebook and call up a guy who likes me and BAM! you have yourself a future son-in-law. You used to say it doesn’t matter and that I’m too kanjiong in finding a bf, don’t you know the main reason I’m kanjiong is cos I don’t want you to think that I’m abnormal when everyone in the family start having life-time partners. Then you would start questioning my abnormalities…..
I really don’t hate you, in fact I love you with all my heart, I love you till it hurts, literally.. but I still have faith that you will one day accept me and let me know no matter how queer I’m, I would still be the one you love. Even my ambition of becoming a police officer was dampen by the fact that you think it’s a lousy job, you want me to be something you could never fulfill- to be a teacher. Until Dad stepped in and said it’s a decent and good job, only then did you start accepting it. I don’t blame you, I understand it’s a different path that I’m choosing but I hope you will in time to come love me, love my job and of course be proud of me for who I’m and what I do…
I can only place my utmost desires in the Lord and hope that he will take pity on me and allow me to either acclerate my death or let me change for the better.. All I really wanted was just to be me…and nothing more… Lead me home Lord...please...
If sex was Love,
Then prostitutes would be ,
The greatest Lovers…
1:54 PM In the words of jo
Friday, December 12, 2003
It’s O-V-E-R!!
So Thursday has finally come and gone in a flash. Let’s see, public law’s paper wasn’t so hard, with help from “here” and “there”. Haha! Oh yes, I finally got my mushroom-y hair cut! My mom thinks it’s the same hairstyle as the previous haircut and she was complaining I look like a guy! But hey that isn’t my fault! I told the hairstylist I wanted to look neutral, meaning not too girlish not guyish but damn! I think I’m back to looking like a guy! –sobs- and this guy friend of mine wants to meet me but I dare not meet him, later he mistook me for a guy!
Okay enough whining, met Stace after my haircut and we had chicken rice for dinner! It was raining cats and dogs and hippos and elephants and dinosaurs, alright you get the idea? Stace and me braved through the thunderous and treacherous weather to eat that stupid chicken rice at Far East! Half of my shirt was drenched from the dumb rain! But ah well…… It was worth it! The soup was heavenly!
The we headed to John Little to get my brother’s Christmas present! I got him a tie, with the help of Stace’s “good” fashion sense! And I got him a belt, now my bank account is urm empty? Anyone want to donate to help the needy [me] and less fortunate [me]? Okay crap..
THEN……………….we walked and walked and walked to BUGIS!!!! My feet ached man! Cos my shoes were soaking wet and I think my feet grew so it’s kinda squish-y and tight! Yuck…had a nice looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong chat with stace, it’s been a long time man…
Ooooh when I got home I forced, okay not force cos he was willing to play as well.. we played monopoly and game of life till about 2am? Okay shssss…my mom doesn’t know.. she probably go on and on about me dying of cancer if I sleep late. It was fun man! Tonight me and bro probably gona play dai-dee for 2 pple! Urm yeah we kinda modify it so that only 2 players are needed.. it’s called dai-dee [the uno version]
I think I couldn’t come up with a comical entry, till when I have the inspiration.. For now this is ASP Joanne Wee signing off……………………………………
Now I can see that we've fallen apart
From the way that it used to be..
No matter the distance
I want you to know
That deep down inside of me..
You’re my fire, the one desire……………..
9:35 AM In the words of jo
Thursday, December 11, 2003
Alright... today's my last law paper and i be free!!! for about 2weeks.. after that it's back to studying again..*grumbles* but nvm.. the next 2wks will be all play n no work..
Thank you to all those who have kindly wished my gd luck day after day. your goodlucks have helped me through those papers. At least i know people out there still care and bother to remember that im still suffering! but after today! no more no more! *throws papers in the air*
Thanks to jem n audrey for caring and sharing..it's very much appreciated! =) It makes the law papers tons easier! *winks* after my papers im heading straight to the hair salon!get my "long" hair cut! think i be mellow this time and not do a "the fin" hairdo again. Dont want my mother's heart to breakdown, from all that heart attacks she already had from my wierdo hairdo.. i shall be mellow..
Gona ring up my hairstylist to check if she's on leave.. hope she's not.. unitl then..thanks everyone and thanks for all the gd lucks!!! till i come up with a comical entry..Im ASP Joanne Wee signing off...............................
