dont know if things will ever improve for the better. dont really know what to feel now that im deprive of what i had. stupid fool im. but am i totally the cause of everything? i guess i added up huh and one day you just want me to get away from your life and whatever we had were no longer important. freedom was better than me. stupid me. as i slowly fade away waiting i become hollow, empty, not truly living, just merely existing..... existing.....
baby here I am Bangin' on your front door My pride spilled on the floor My hands and knees are bruised And I'm crawlin' walking back to you Beggin' for a second chance Are you gonna let me in?
I know you're in there And you can make me wait Now I'm dyin' in this hell I can't blame you for bein' mad
If you could see these tears I'm cryin' Touch these hands that can't stop shakin' Hear my heart that's barely beatin' You would see a different man
10:03 PM In the words of jo
Thursday, February 02, 2006
When you lose someone so precious to you and you realise you are the master of ur own downfall, you want to kick yourself in the head and have the ability to change everything. pls forgive me, i know not what i do. i really didnt... here's what i have penned aft talking to you.
The transformation
No one said the journey we took was ever easy, Obstacles kept coming and kept us distracted and busy. Tempers flared and quarrels began, You chose to walk away and i didnt have the time to realise when. As i looked back over the past years I realised i brought you less joys and more tears. I lay in bed every night reminiscing, About the happy times and the joy you bring. I realised it was me who created my own downfall, The ugly side of me emerging was your final straw. Why couldnt i ever trust you, you used to say, Why do you keep thinking someone will take me or that i'll run away. I could not figure out that they were signs of trouble, Why did i become the monster i loathe and burst my perfect bubble. I take solace that maybe i may have a chance again, That one day you will take me away from all the pain. I've changed, i realised my mistake, come back, my heart and soul is about to break. I cannot hold out anymore, I cannot fight this losing war. Please realise that i'm a different person now, I will change, it's not an empty promise, it's my everlasting vow..
6:48 PM In the words of jo
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
dont really know if you have visited my blog lately but the past 2entries were for you. this entry is also for you. i mean there's nothing i can really do that allow me to see the smile again, that sparkle in your eyes, the look when you melt. so.. what can i really do but blog?this is how i really feel right now...
Can't Cry Hard Enough
I'm gonna live my life Like every day's the last Without a simple goodbye It all goes by so fast But now that you're gone I can't cry hard enough No I can't cry hard enough For you to hear me now Gonna open my eyes And see for the first time I've let go of you like A child letting go of his kite There it goes Up in the sky There it goes Beyond the clouds For no reason why I can't cry hard enough No I can't cry hard enough For you to hear me now Gonna look back in vain See you standing there And all that remains Is just an empty chair And now that you're gone I can't cry hard enough No I can't cry hard enough For you to hear me now There it goes...
8:42 PM In the words of jo
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Do not read my entry if it's not meant for you.
"You're only the best I ever had, You don't want me back, You're just the best I ever had it may take some time to Patch me up inside" i found the most fitting song to express how i really feel. the exact words i want to say but i never could put into words. I aint going to change any of the lyrics. dont matter. i know pple will gasp at the word she and all. i have no energy already okay. if u havent read the prev entry, please do so. it's only for you.. here is the song...
she's always on my mind. from the time i wake up, till i close my eyes. she's everywhere i go. she's all i know. though she's so far away, it just keeps getting stronger everyday. and even now she's gone, im still holding on. so tell me where do i start, cause it's breaking my heart. don't wanna let her go. maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows. and maybe our hearts will find their way. and all i can do, is hope and pray. corse heaven knows. my friends keep telling me, that if you really love her. you've gotta set her free. and if she returns in time, i'll know she's mine. but tell me where do i start. cause its breaking my heart. dont wanna let her go. maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows. and maybe our hearts will find their way. and all i can do, is hope and pray. cause heaven knows. why i live in despair, cause wide awake or dreaming. i know she's never there. and all the time i act so brave, im shaking inside. why does it hurt me so ? maybe my love will come back someday, only heaven knows. and maybe our hearts will find their way. and all i can do, is hope and pray. corse heaven knows. heaven knows. heaven knows.
6:46 PM In the words of jo
Monday, January 30, 2006
Writing my thoughts about you, it's the only thing i can do
I have thought of the things that gone wrong. mostly my fault. i erupted like a mad volcano a times too many then was apologetic later. how many times can a human take such blows. i claim to be the best, i think im the best at driving another away. never thought a heartache could be so immense. so raw. so pain. yet pain is not even measureable to the intensity of the hurt. everyday i wait. quietly wait. till you come back to me. how long will that be? whose to say. as long as my heart can take the silent blows that is inflicted upon me every second we are not back the way we used to be. till then i wait. 1mth, 6mths, 1yr, 20yrs. i wait. wait till you come back to patchland and go supermarket with me, to bathe dusty with me, to give me 93patch cents for my pocket money, to push me on the swing till i cry cos i scared, to play hide and seek, to find me using detactor, to buy me KOOL fever in patch mart, to have ashley n elijah agn, to sleep on princess bed in which you always get lost in the covers, to be the pig pig of my life, to wash my bowls, to tidy our bed, to go patch doc with me when im sick.to be my missy when i need TLC pills. to be all of that which i have lost in an instant which im trying so hard to get back.. i miss all of it.. come home... pince is waiting..im still chou, im still wearing my chou tee, i still have mole moles, i still have whiskers, i still have crooked teeth, i still have CRAYON teeth.im still PORTOBELLO.. and your still tomato.. im still stumpy pot. im still joanne nicole wee... come back.... im sorry...
Come back to me.
I felt quite sure if i did my best, Our love would never be put to the test. What really happen between us was too fast, Sudden i see you wearing a mask. Am i being too close for comfort, Why have you got nothing but unkind words. My world has started to rain, I got drenched trying to wash away the pain. My other half have been ripped from my soul, So now are you my lover or my foe. As i stagger to grasp what hit me, It's just a span of 2weeks, how could this be. Then i realise that cracks had happened long ago, I wasnt a good gf, i was possessive jo. Who could have take what you had to go through, I guess you only hung on cos you knew my love was true. I guess that was where it went wrong, Now im sitting here immersing myself in silly sad love songs. I apologise for all the crap you endured, I'm so sorry, pls come back,only with you i feel secured. I'm so lonely, i'm mr lonely, Who have i got for my own, absloutely nobody. I dont want to be just your friend, It only feels that we have come to an end. I only pray for one more chance with you, Trust me,i have already change my point of view. I'm willing to give you what you ask for, Help me stop my tears, my eyes are getting sore. You have made me the happiest girl till that fateful date, All because i keep making stupid mistakes. As i stand quietly beside you and wait, i slowly began to fade. Oh how my heart aches. You said you had a lifetime of TLC pills to give me, You said you be there in my darkest hour,wont let nobody hurt me. You were patch pincess, i patch pince, Patchland was our land of dreams. We had everthing in there, Elijah, Ashley and even dusty, Now as i go to bed, patchland has become so hazy. I could not find you anywhere, Yet deep down somewhere i know you care. So please come home to me soon, I want to walk that stairs again, You and I, The bride and the groom...
11:02 AM In the words of jo
Sunday, January 29, 2006
if you ever visit my blog, i hope you do. this song is esp for you. tells you how i feel.. exactly how Mr lonely felt.. remember you once said to me, if someone sang a song like tt to you, you would go back and try again. now im singing this song.. come back home...
Lonely im Mr. Lonely, I have nobody, For my owwnnn Im so Lonely, im Mr. Lonely I have nobody, for my owwnnn Im so Lonely, Yo, this one here goes out to all my play out there man. ya kno that got that one good girl dog thats always been there man like took all the bullshit then one day she cant take it no more and decides to leave yeah, I woke up in the middle of the night, And I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, Coulda sworn I was dreamin, For her I was feinin, So I had ta take a little ride, Back tracking on these few years, Tryna figure out wat I do to make it go bad, Cuz ever since my girl left me, My whole life came crashin and I'm so.... Lonely (so lonely), Im Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely) I have nobody (I have nobody) For my own (to call my own girl). Im so lonely (so lonely) Im Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely) I have nobody (I have nobody) For my own (to call my own girl). I'm so lonely Cant belive I had a girl like you, and I just let you walk right outta my life, after all I put u thru u still stuck around and stayed by my side (by my side) what really hurt me is I broke ur heart, baby you a good girl and I had no right, I really wanna make things right, cuz without u in my life girl im so.. Lonely (so lonely) Im Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely) I have nobody (I have nobody) For my own (to call my own girl). Im so lonely (so lonely) Im mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely) I have nobody (I have nobody) For my own (to call my own baby). Im so lonely Been all about the world ain't, neva met a girl that can take the things that you been through. Never thought the day would come, where you would get up and run, and I would be out chasing u Cuz aint nowhere in the globe id rather be, aint no one in the globe id rather see then the girl of my dreams that made me Be so happy but now so lonely Lonely (so lonely) Im Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely) I have nobody (I have nobody) For my own (to call my own, no). Im so lonely (so lonely) Im Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely) I have nobody (I have nobody) For my own (to call my own girl). I'm so Lonely Never thought that id be alone (be alone) I didnt hope you'd be gone this long (gone this long) I jus want u to call my phone, so stop playing girl and Come on home (come on home), baby girl I didn't mean to shout, (no) I want me and you to work it out, (work it out baby) I never wished that Id ever Hurt my baby, and its drivin me crazy cuz I'm so... Lonely (so lonely) Im Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely) I have nobody (I have nobody, nobody) To call my own (to call my own, no). Im so lonely (so lonely) Im Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely) I have nobody (I have nobody) For my own (to call my own girl) I'm so Lonely So lonely(lonely) So lonely (so lonely) Mr. Lonely(lonely) So lonely (so lonely) So lonely (Lonely) So lonely!!! (so lonely!!!) So Lonely Mr. Lonely
