some people drink to forget. some people smoke to forget. some people take drugs to forget. some just let the pain consume them then die of a broken heart. im that some.
We all need love. love has the power to conquer the impossible. love has the power to blur the lines btwn reality and dreams. love has the power to also destroy you. it did to me.
-disclaimer: i dont love jamie in that way. hehehe- Went Genki today with jem n mich before family law class. boy oh boy, we chalked up a $65 bill. talk about being frugal. i was really strong emotionally i could take blow after blow after blow. then i heard jamie said to K. i missed you too. then i just crumble. and tumble and fall. all because i miss those lines and yearn for you to whisper those words into my ears. its such a simple request. it's so pure, just simple 3words. i supressed the feeling. i tell myself joanne you can do this. you are strong. then the radio played Almost here by brian mcfadden when i was walking home. tears welled up. i crumble again. fuck my heart for not bein cold. fuck the song for playing at that time. fuck myself (not literally) for breaking down. fuck, why do i still cry.
all because i miss you.
11:10 PM In the words of jo
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Take me as I am, take my life i msg someone this. and it was meant for you. " sometimes all you need to get better is for the love of that person to shower over you. that love can conquer the impossible"
then i amaze myself aft i realise i msg such a powerful msg.. if only u knew..
we all need to grow up one day. in one way or another. but sometimes we need to be nudge in the rib to grow up n God took the task of nudging my ribs.-ouch- he took me out of the comfort zone n thrash me till i bleed inside out..the only good thing you get out of it is you grow up. you really do. you learn to appreciate things around you and see slowly why you have to be put through all this pain. trust me, it's the feeling of why have i not die in my sleep kind of heartache. no amount of tears n scream can quell my pain. then you grow up... life....
went out with jem today and she is such a good chatting partner. we talked alot n we ate at a posh four seasons cafe becos we had to wait till mich was done with her intereview. we seriously acted rich, with my polo ralph shirt all. then me n mich had a fun car ride cos we keep getting lost. sorry mich to keep wasting ur money..
Look into my eyes you will seeWhat you mean to meSearch your heart, search your soulWhen you find me there you'll search no moreDon't tell me it's not worth trying forYou can't tell me it's not worth dying forYou know it's trueEverything I do, I do it for you.
Look into your heart you will findThere's nothing there to hideTake me as I am, take my lifeI would give it all, I would sacrificeDon't tell me it's not worth fighting forI can't help it, there's nothing I want moreYou know it's trueEverything I do, I do it for you
11:15 PM In the words of jo
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Sometimes no matter how times pass you by. things will always be the same. feelings will always be the same. and you cant erase it with passage of time. you happen to be it. the things i cant forget.
walk with me. walk that bridge and stairs with me. or am i to walk alone? pls tell me... please....
8:21 PM In the words of jo
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
please read this before my entry:
I know you think that I shouldn't still love youI'll tell you that But if I didn't say itWell, I'd still have felt it Where's the sense in that? I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder Or return to where we were Well I will go down with this shipAnd I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be I know I left too much mess And destruction to come back again And I caused but nothing but trouble I understand if you can't talk to me again And if you live by the rules of 'It's over' Then I'm sure that that makes sense Well I will go down with this ship And I won't put my hands up and surrender There will be no white flag above my door I'm in love and always will be And when we meet As I'm sure we will All that was then Will be there still I'll let it pass And hold my tongue And you will think That I've moved on. i havent.
altruism-Unselfish concern for the welfare of others; selflessness. placing others before oneself.
i was an altruist because of you. i love being an altruist. it's the feeling of giving so much but still be happy. sometimes i wish you would just learn to love. but then again, love cannot be forced. sometimes i wish the magic spark in our eyes can start everything again, but i guess it said nothing. sometimes i wish the spark in our arms would give the hint that we are meant to be, but i guess that's sheer stupidity. sometimes the songs that play when we walk around seem to indicate something, but i guess it's sheer desperation. sometimes i wish the love never have to die so that i could laugh in the face of countless adversities, but i guess i need a slap to wake up. you are already gone. and im left all alone.. i really am left behind.. no amount of tears i cry, no matter how hard i cry, you have left. nothing could have brought you back. nothing.
one step at a time.. baby steps.. maybe baby steps might lead me back to you. or maybe might lead me to my final fate...
Gotta fix that calender I have That's marked March 9th Because since there's no more you There's no more anniversary
11:02 PM In the words of jo
Sunday, February 12, 2006
All I want from you is your love and affection Is this love real or just an illusion?
jem said this "it isnt about keeping it in to harbour or what but more of learning to really love your partner n not to let things that r out of your control get to you.it isnt abt being heck care, more of just love and to hell with everything else. too many of us forget what the essence of love is"
before my entry. this song is so fucking true. I thought it was the end of a beautiful story I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart I'd rather have the one who holds my heart I can't blame you if you turn away from me, like I've done you, I can only prove the things I say with time, please be mine, oh please be mine
im confused. Thoughts running like wild fire. Are we really just pure plain friends. whatever we did was really way over friends. Im not complaining. im happy. Just that everytime i want to reach over to sniff you, I had to hold back n remember we are not what we used to be. dont even want to startle you even when u were cold i had to hold back n not putting my arms ard you to keep u warm. pains me to see u shivering. but what am i to you. i have no right to make u warm. not that my bones help but it's just the gesture. so many things i want to tell u. but i keep it in me. fear of repercussions. fear of losing you and be left with nothing. yet dont know if it's all a good thing or bad thing or im just being overly sensitive. since you dont have that special feeling anymore.
We walked the bridge, n i wanted to see the name. it's the anderson bridge also known as lover's bridge. i froze when i saw the name aft i ran across the road. i couldnt even tell you. it's suicidal to do so. i will jeopardise everything. aint saying i wasnt myself. what u saw yest was me, just maybe minus being cute. not as in goodlooking, i always am goodlooking. whiney cute i meant. but it was good la. wah lau... -sings- " and you, leave me confuse, wish i knew just what to do!!!!" scully kena bang,scully ur just being friends. wah lau.
read the lyrics. read them for me..
I'm sorry that I hurt you I took for granted all you gave so freely to me I prayed it's not too late To save you from a broken heart To promise you I'll make a brand new start Believe me when i say You are all that I need The only treasure I see You're the air that helps me breathe through the darkest night When I fall down on my knees I was blind but now I see You are all that I need Please let me hear your voice again Let me hear you say your love will never end
