Trust. how can on e trust the other spouse, gf, bf or partner for that matter. had such a nice chat with anil and pooja that day about relationships, trust, cheating on ur partner and so so much more. anil believes that trust is built over the years of being together. i believe trust is a matter of compromise and sacrifices. to entrust someone your heart takes alot of courage and risk because there may be times that someone decides to backfire on you and you are left reeling in the pain of a broken heart.
Sacrifices are made when you truly love someone but in turn that person has to compromise. it's only fair. i have thought about it long and hard then one day i guess it hit me. so many friends around me are suffering from breakups and crazy psyco bfs and fights. it was only then i saw myself through their actions and inactions. hahah. sounds really silly but i realised i was the person whom i hate. i was so desperate and clingy and my black face was 24/7 and i was paranoid like 365days a year. i didnt like what i see. but though the reaslisation came abit too late, i guess i learn alot and maybe if im ready to love again, then i will treat the other one with respect and we will do the sacrifices n compromise thing.
actually, im willing to do alot of compromise now, with all the hanging out and wanting to be with friends. i sort of understand the fun and how mad u can go just by being with your friends. and after all that fun, it would be so nice to just "go home" with your baby and we talk about the day tog and the mad things we did with our friends. it's so nice. but it's really a dream.. that one day if i get to fufill it, i will not forget to treasure the times tog.
i deserve to be happy. not mull over what could have happen or why i wasnt given a second chance. maybe im not meant to even have a second chance thats why our love started with A CHANCE WITH YOU. but still i deserve to be loved and happy. i really do..
on a lighter note.. everyone thinks the song jem n i composed was really nice:) -squeals- im really happy everyone likes it. though gerri feels it's abit one piece on piece and cheryl thinks that the last part abit funny. stacey said if somone sang that to her she will melt. perf said "WAO.. i really dont know what to say." and ltr he told pooja that he could really feel how much i love the person when i composed the song. the intensity of it. im like wao.he could sense it? i didnt know. hahaha. so jem, we must do this album thing okay? i really cant wait till my exams are over then we can go around hunting for our musical arrangement thing. time for lunch..i need to put on weight, but i keep losing it. i need to cut down on smoking but i keep lighting up. sigh.
i really deserve to be happy and loved. who wants me? hahaha
You deserve the chance at the kind of love I'm not sure I'm worthy of Losing you is painful to me I don't want to let you down You would never ask me why My heart is so disguised I just can't live a lie anymore I would rather hurt myself Than to ever make you cry You deserve to have so much more
1:29 PM In the words of jo
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
It's hard to accept the end when you're too close . I dont want a person who doesnt want me, but if there's a slightest chance the person does, im not leaving.. Have you ever wondered that i may be satan, or the paranoid gf, or the loser. but i might still be the love of your life?
Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. and when that day immerse, all you can do is swim. A world of pretend is a cage not a cocoon. we can only lie to ourselves for so long. We're tired, we're scared.
Denying it doesnt change the truth, sooner or later we've to put aside our denial and face the world, head on, guns blazing.
Denial is not just a river in egypt,it's a freaking ocean. so how do you keep from drowning in it? if you hide your true inner most feelings cos you feel it's the best for us and for the world, you are really just denying and lying to your own heart.. you didnt trust me enough to give me another try to show you and prove to you im a changed person..so are you lying to us or yourself. .
I don't have to be anyone other than a birth of two souls in one I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do Or who I'm supposed to beI don't want to be anything other than me
I'm surrounded by a deadly crisis everywhere I turn Am I the only one to notice? I can't be the only one who's learned
6:33 PM In the words of jo
Monday, April 03, 2006
is this a case of ' i love you but i have to leave you' situation cos now it's prob not a time to be tog. im laced with confusion that my soul seems troubled and overwhelmed daily. cheryl, thanks for staying up with me and listening to me going over n over again, till i was well enough to sleep and not think of it anymore. then dreams after dreams jerk me awake at 9. so fucking tired la.. but i will keep my promise that anytime you need help, just look for me. i will be there to the best of my abilities no matter how fucked up the situations might be.
it's like the movie which said this quote : i found jo and she's someone i would want to come home to, trouble is i dont think im ready to go home just yet. hmm... then again, im just dreaming. but when sometimes when you find that you have finally got what you hope for and you turn back and remember, you realised that the " grass is always greener on the other side" theory is true. cos sometimes you look back and realised that actually you had everything but you throw it away for something you thought might give you that sense of satisfaction and happiness. then you awake one day and then it's probably not true. well it happen to me. esp with the smoking issue and paranoid issue.
Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick And think of you Caught up in circles Confusion Is nothing new Flashback warm nights Almost left behind Suitcase of memories Time after....
Sometimes you picture me I'm walking too far ahead You're calling to me, I can't hear What you've said Then you say go slow I fall behind The second hand unwinds
If you're lost you can look and you will find me Time after time If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting Time after time If you're lost you can look and you will find me Time after time If you fall I will catch you I will be waiting Time after time After my picture fades and darkness has Turned to gray Watching through windows you're wondering If I'm OK Secrets stolen from deep inside The drum beats out of time
You said go slow I fall behind The second hand unwinds
Time after time...time after time....
6:52 PM In the words of jo
Sunday, April 02, 2006
love crucified a girl name jo
person: why what happen? why did you cry in ur sleep? jo: i dreamt. person: was it a nightmare? jo: no person: was it something bad? jo: no, it was a sweet dream person: then why did you cry in ur sleep? jo: it was a dream that wont ever come true anymore....
anil once said, when ur in a rel with someone never cage them up like a bird, because one day when you let them out awhile, they will go out of control and you will lose them. and you know what. he was right.
