take away all ur friend's opinions or what they would comment to you or how they would view you and ask yourself. is this really what you want or what they want. and the fear of coming home is due to their comments or advices that is stopping you? i admit that at times i get influenced by my friend's advice too, and so did harnie. we talked about it that day and we realise sometimes how we really feel is suppressed by how our friends feel. but deep inside, we are one mess up shit cos we dont really feel right and are confused and are lost..
so how do you feel, what do you really want. just you.. imagine if all friends all didnt exist.. my answer would be.. i would still choose to be with you despite their view of me afterwards, probably thinking how foolish a decision i made. but u know what, i would tell you. i dont care about them, cos you made me the happiest and still do till this day forth..
loving you has made my life colourful
5:25 PM In the words of jo
Thursday, April 20, 2006
on ur comp volume. my blog music sound so YOGA! hahah but it's a fucking nice song..
i think i had a major OCD attack after i saw irritating tiny ants in my cupboard. just one or two here and there. so armed with dettol n a cloth i cleaned, disinfect and sanitized my whole cupboard. now it's clean, neat and no little stupid ants crawling.. ha. ha. ha.
then as i cleaned i saw memories. a letter here, wrapper there, ziploc here, glass jar there. the jersey you wear, the nike jersey u gave which i so absolutely love, the boxers you bought, basically everything. i thought it was easy if i left things untouched n kept away hidden so i dont remember. i think i was wrong. the more we hide and run away, the faster it catches up with you. sometimes i ask jem and i ask harnie and i ask pooja and i ask jas and i ask mich and i ask char i ask everyone but myself and you. you see.. i love you, you i think maybe have feelings for me so... why are we denying ourselves of happiness and keep pushing something happy away then in the process we cry our hearts out, be lost, be confused and be sad. but but we still push love away.. why ah? maybe it's not our time and we must go thru this so we knw why we are meant for each other or that maybe i shd fuck off and stop dreaming.. hahah.. patchland.. you rmb.. but it's close cos if i go there every night, i will drive myself mad knowing i will go to an empty place.. cos i have only myself there and our dog, dusty. now i ustd when people say love is a leap of faith. it is.. except i leapt and i didnt fall into ur arms, i fell into the mud..cos u didnt leap.. hahaha
the nights i was feeling so fucked abt my life, i kept from you. i cannot cry. i cannot even tell you. so i just kept it to myself n prayed. .
on a lighter note, pooja called me today n laughed like a deranged woman.i think her nerve in her head snap when she got her bill. her hp bill amounted to ahem... get ready... $585.. oh my fucking mother hell of shit....... it deserves a @#@$$@%^^%!!!!??!@$$!!*)((&^$# and all the bad words in the world. but me being me, was so calm about it, but i was wondering if my hp bill was like that, i think i will prepare for my funeral with immediate effect. but thank god she went to check her mail before her dad, if not, well lets not dwell on if not.. pervinder singh gill should really be sued. muahahahah. and pooja kaur sandhu should have her nerve fixed. okaye.. im ready to start my law revision again, aft my OCD attack. yawn.. you know what, i miss you, not one dot. i think many uncountable dots. hahah ohh everyone pls... go watch TAKE THE LEAD! good show i tell you... so good i dont mind watching again... any takers??
The love of joanne is like the ocean, you can see its beginning, but not its end. dont forget about us.
Now the only girl I've ever loved has gone away. Looking for a brand new start! But little does she know that when she left that day. Along with her she took my heart.
Rain, please tell me, now does that seem fair For her to steal my heart away when she don't care I can't love another, when my heart's somewhere far away. Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain, Telling me just what a fool I've been. I wish that it would go and let me cry in vain, And let me be alone again. Rain, won't you tell her that I love her so Please ask the sun to set her heart aglow Rain in her heart and let the love we know start to grow
8:59 PM In the words of jo
Monday, April 17, 2006
vigil,stations and easter was good. so was all the drama that came along with it. hahaha
washing of feet was prob the most wow thing for me. cos i guess i really wanted to be humble and wanted forgiveness to the person whom i hurt most the last time. so it was quite a task for me but i did it(:
easter vigil was good esp newton food and screaming and dancing with michele! haha. mich.. SHUTTERS! hahah. saw really nice houses and wondered if i shd get that house someday. but i be scared living alone..u knw me right, big fat scaredy cat! then we sang in the car! hahaha.. and we chit chat so much that it was like in the morning.. and mich we look alike and we are sisters.. the tissue man was crazy lah.. hahah..newton this week again???
smoked so so so much lesser now and im happier cos i have cut down and limit myself to 3sticks a day. yst i took only 1stick and im damn proud of myself. and in the middle of the night when i was getting ready to sleep, the msg came and i couldnt sleep the whole night. hahah. it's too shocking and touching that i really have nothing to say.
Watched my life pass me by -- in the rearview mirror Pictures frozen in time -- are becoming clearer I don't wanna waste another day -- stuck in the shadow of my mistakes
Cause I want you -- and I feel you -- crawling underneath my skin Like a hunger, like a burnin -- to find a place I've never been Now I'm broken, and I'm faded -- I'm half the man I thought I would be But you can have -- what's left of me.
I've been dying inside -- little by little Nowhere to go -- I'm goin outta my mind An endless circle -- runnin from myself until You gave me a reason for standing still
And I want you -- and I feel you -- crawling underneath my skin Like a hunger, like a burnin -- to find a place I've never been Now I'm broken, and I'm faded -- I'm half the man I thought I was But you can have -- what's left of me.
Fallin' faster -- barely breathing Give me somethin to believe in Tell me it's not all in my head
Take what's left of this man Make me whole once again
Cause I want you -- and I feel you -- crawling underneath my skin A hunger, like a burnin -- to find a place I've never been Now I'm broken, and I'm faded -- I'm half the man I thought I was You can have, all that's left, (yeah, yeah, yeah) what's left of me
I've been dying inside you see I'm goin outta my mind (outta my mind, outta my mind, outta my mind) I'm just runnin' in circles all the time Will you take what's left of me I'm just runnin' in circles in my mind Will you take what's left of me Take what's left of me
