In just 7 days fucking days time i will be sitting in the freezing room with my FILA jacket and write like mad for 3hours.
but what doesnt help alot is the fact that J & K reminds me alot of the happy times i used to share with someone. like how just that one person can turn ur fears into comfort. how it will soothe anything that comes ur way. now it's really walking on your own and cleaning your wounds when u fall, or cry to sleep when you dont get comfort anywhere from anyone.
When all i can ever do is just slowly painfully watch you leave dont even have the chance to ask yo ucome back cos they cover ur ears n really stop you. u became numb and confused. but i just stood in the shadows crying waiting n slowly killing myself, bit by bit. morbid i may sound but when i see how much J & K are in love i just a tinge of envy in me. it used to be like that, then with one strike of fate, im like somone reeling in pain.
true, i probably have to go thru this alone be alone in this period of time but after that where do i go? i doubt you really ever want to come home. sometimes i really wonder if there're days which u care. can you at least try on the days which you think ur free to maybe dont fucking care abt anyone's opinions and really just see deep inside.. see what the heart of urs have to say... cos mine have been tormented by everything but love.. i no longer have the capacity to feel love.. only pain, torment, rage, hatred and the need to belong...
i believe the idea of compromise and scarifice. just probably no one to fufill the lesson i have learn with... i do have someone wanting to be with me.. but im confused.... im in pain. stop this pain tonight..
Since you've gone, well it seems like everything is wrong And deep inside, I know that I've lost much more than pride Well happiness is getting further away Losing you, well it's been the hardest thing to do So I close my eyes and and tell myself That somehow I'll survive Well you gave me heaven then you Took it away How can I change the world 'Cos I sure can't change your mind Where's the miracle I need now..
7:07 PM In the words of jo
Thursday, May 11, 2006
8days to my ip exams.. so what am i doing online. but just a notes before i rush to sch..
Romeo and Juliet
many people think the story of R & J is romantic and the essence of true love, i have a slightly different take. Juilet is an idiot.
For starters, she falls for the one guy she knows she cant have then she blames fate for her own bad decision. someone explained to me that when fate comes into play, choice sometimes goes out of the window.
At the ripe old age of 22, i was very clear that love like life is about making choicesand fate had nothing to do with it. To everyone who thinks romeo and juliet is romantic, true love. how sad.
If juliet was stupid enough to fall for the guy, drink a bottle of poison n lay dead on the bed free for all to see then i think she got what she deserves.
Maybe Romeo and Jilet were fated to be together but just for awhile and then their time pass. If they could have known that before hand maybe it would all been okaye. i told that someone that when im all grown up i take fate into my own hands and i wouldnt let some guy drag me down. She said that i be lucky if i ever had that kind of passion with someone and that if i did we be together forever.
Even now i believe for the most part, love is about choices. It's putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending most of the time and that sometimes despite all your best choices and all your best intentions Fate wins anyway...
that explains why im so unlcuky and im all single n sad. im being morbid. fuck. hahahaha... off to school.
5:43 PM In the words of jo
Monday, May 08, 2006
im just a bloody substitute . im a loser but i cant seem to see that for so long they cover ur eyes and ears so you couldnt hear my silent attempts to win ur heart back then i realise i think im just the loser who doesnt know when to quit so...yah...
got my entry proof already..... sigh.... 11 fucking days.....
i wrote a poem in sch today, and i wondered if you want to hear what i written. i miss ur kisses. sigh. if you could come and find me kiss me and hug me tight and say dont worry im here i give you strength and you can do it cos u mighty mouse. u dont know how much i will pull thru this.. will u really appear at my exam hall... will you??
so i just play my part, pray you'll have a change of heart but i cant make you see it through thats something only love can do....
11:47 PM In the words of jo
Sunday, May 07, 2006
got this off kellyn's blog and with her generous permission i copy and paste it on my blog.. read it.. it makes sense. truly. explains why i get all jittery when i see you n what i speak or msg.
who will you choose if you have so many suitors to choose from .how will you know which 1 is better than the rest? how will you know who will treat you nicer, better, more sincere? how do you know who loves you the most,who will give up everything just to be with you.who has done many things specially just for you.most importanly, how do you know which one you truly love. why u take a long time to choose which 1 u love? i thought you will know it right away who u love are you waiting for the right 1. or are you waiting who can give u more .its right to choose, its right to take time.n of course at e end of day, even if you dont choose anyone its all right. because, mayb you dont love them at all but to love all at the same time, to receive all loves from them and to go on dates with everyone and to have intimate, physical contacts with everyone thats wrong. its like leading them on, giving them wrong signals n making them wait like one stupid foo ln in e end, you just either leave with other one or not choosing any in e end n restart your game at somewher else you dont know whats love you dont know how diffcult how 'xin ku' for those who r waiting you dont know how sad/worrying for them every night or even every single min,sec thinking of you, your decision guessing how u think, trying all ways to impress you while patiently waiting for your decisionw/o any complaints, seeing you go out with other 'candidates' i think they prob know whats love, n prob they truly love you but.. you dont know. you are just one that out to seek many many loves to exploit them, to make use of them, to enjoy being 'chased' you make so many people fight over you, feeling frustrated w themselves but..you dont seem to care, to bother. you didnt try to underst whats like to be kept waiting and waiting yet not knowing wher they will have at e end. i can tell youthat kind of feeling sucks please.. cherish people who love you n be sensitive to their feelings.
Now look at me Instead of moving on, I refuse to see That I keep coming back And I'm stuck in a moment I've tried to fight it Can't deny it You don't even know That I still need you Like I'm right beside you But still no word from you
