m'aimer pour qui je suis

Friday, June 08, 2007

Dear you, my unintended,

at times i have no idea if i should feel nonchalant or melancholic when i think of you. sometimes i wish i could have known you way earlier where there wasnt so much cynicism in you, where you are just like anyone else who have lofty n unrealistic dreams. someone who believes in fairy tale endings. but all i see in you are your past emotional baggage which you have been lugging around and it seems to be slowly wearing you down bit by bit. you claimed your firewall is up for good reasons, a preventive measure, just in case anyone tries to hurt you. what you didnt realise is you seem to be driving everyone else away while u remain trapped behind ur own firewall always deluding yourself into thinking it was for the best. seriously wonder if guarding your emotions so fiercely is a good thing at the end of the day.

when ppl tell me of how u used to be, its heartrending to know you will never be that way with me. no matter how hard i force my way through, i seem never to know the you which everyone has been talking incessantly about. on a good day, i will see that vulnerable side of you for 5mins. and pathetic as this sounds, i hold on to it and cling on to it because hun sad to say you usually snap out of it in 5secs flat.

you asked me why im still here.well, maybe one day i might get behind that firewall and hide tog with you. we can guard our emotions tog and live in our own pretty little morbid world. at least then you have someone who can talk to you and not ignore you. you asked why i acted as if i dont care, or want you that much. have u ever wondered that i too am just as afraid that you are just as capable of hurting me as well? i live for the days where u are in a good mood and when we are not dealing with ur skeptical pragmatic side. where we laugh over silly things and when you allow me to peep through your firewall for a good 10mins.

hmmm what an emotionally charged entry. tsk.... i should be ashamed of myself.

my unintended's got a quick wit and a fast tongue
But my unintended doesn't seem to know that my unintended's the one
They say my unintended cheats charm when she whispers
my unintended's devilishly pure
With a fine air of innocence
Nonchalance in every move
my unintended's a sweet sensation tease temptation
my unintended looks good enough to eat
my unintended's a fallen angel with a devilish streak
Rushes - Darius

8:25 AM
In the words of jo

Thursday, June 07, 2007

difficult to put into words.
shall let the song tell u why i chose it for you and why it may one day be suited for you..

If love is blind- Tiffany

People say that you're no good for me
People say it constantly
I hear it said so much
I repeat it in my sleep

Maybe I am just a fool for you
Maybe you're no angel too
But all that talk is cheap
When I´m alone with you

If love is blind
I'll find my way with you
Cause I can´t see myself
Not in love with you
If love is blind
I'll find my way with you

All the world is crazy anyway
What's the matter what they say
If I'm the one that's wrong
Then let in be my mistake

If love is blind
I'll find my way with you
Cause I can´t see myself
Not in love with you
If love is blind
I'll find my way with you

You wouldn't be with me tonight
If I didn't feel i was right
What will it matter anyhow
A hundred years from now

9:08 PM
In the words of jo

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	Very High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

hl,jamie, and whoever that has a blog. go try this out. pretty interesting(:

My reasons why you don’t trust me
Why must we do this to one another?
I just need a little of your time
A little of your time
To say the words I never said
Just need a little of your time
A little of your time
To show you that I am not dead
Please don’t leave, stay
Cause my defenses are weak
I have no breath left to speak
So take the evidence
And bury it somewhere
If you want me, call me
Come and take a risk
Kiss me somewhere deep below the surface
Can you still feel it?
Gonna make you feel it
Can you still feel it?
Little Of Your Time - Maroon 5

9:59 AM
In the words of jo

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

little things that go a looooong way...

1.walking ard my area during lunch n caught sight of this UOB makeshift booth.....and.......... im going to sign up for my first platinum card and my first UOB lady's card next month.alright yeah alot of pple will HUH?chey! card only what,i also have but difference is i earned it all by myself.haha.i feel as though i just won the war or something but point is, it makes slogging worth it. and.. i realise how smth seemingly so insignificant can make my day.

2.eating lunch in solitude can be so theraputic. sometimes when the world around you revolves faster than you can say fucking hell, its really nice to be in isolation. the silence becomes a much sought after comfort. the time for reflection kicks in, the selfish "me" time sets in. Having no one to be answerable to or responsible for suddenly seems so endearing. when you have already so much on your plate, to continue piliing it up will result in spilling everything else, so you tend to retreat into a tiny corner where you can close ur eyes, curl up into a tiny ball and cut yourself off from the entire world. never knew how being all alone can be a good thing, but now i'd gladly receive it with open arms.

3. Dealing with emotions sucks. i still believe in the simplicity of love, where its no longer about materialistic wants, but simply(pun intended) showing care and concern about each other. its what count these days.. money is something that can be earned and replenished, but love seems to only come by once or twice in a lifetime. cynicism comes along once inna while no doubt but being hopeful makes us stop short of being a robot. Having a tough exterior doesnt prove anything other than a mere facade, cos deep down we are all suckers in wanting someone to sweep us off our feet and being all giddy headed in love.

4. having a phonecall from minty n bitching with her about work suddenly means so much to me. i miss her company and her stupid catchy ringtone but at least i have someone to talk to in the office and someone to race to the lift too. childish acts tt mean so much to me nowadays. how often do you find someone whose able to accept u for who u are and entertain ur childish antics.

5. having to take a break all alone n watch the clouds seems so relaxing.. you realised that despite everything, there's so much you can be thankful for. your friends esp my buddy jem who has been there whenever i need her. and she has finally said yes to marrying me, cos we realise we both want to keep love simple. we dont need the perks or the extras that come along with it. besides tt i have a great brother who stands on my side no matter what, a more or less ok life. a brillant new job. pple around me who genuinely cares and not cos they are after ur money, ur status or having you as a trophy. all's good.

FYI: going to get my tattoo done. finally. now how abt a rosary on the back as well? so i can literally say "God watches my back" wahahahaha.

Love is a word that explains
How I feel for you
You can hardly see
These tears that I'm crying
Now are for you to be with me
If life is so short- The Moffatts

1:18 PM
In the words of jo

Monday, June 04, 2007

hellooooooooooooooooooooooooo LIEN HUI LUEN! my post aint that generalised anymore now right? oh yes yes go ahead n roll your eyes i know what you're thinking. Sorry i was busy sleeping when you called me this morning, couldnt fall asleep last night and oh no no its MY FAULT.. hahaha.. the things i do to humour you (:

Work's fucking boring i tell you, its worse when my good friend minty aint in the office.. BAHHH... so so HOWS WORK? you LOVE it so much dont you?? im going to be EARLY today and i OWE u 30mins of "waiting" time from the last time OKAY???? wonder what are we going to eat today for dinner... cant wait!!!! no raw food ok? unless u want JNW to permanently camp in the toilet...

OH OH ! guess what am i munching on NOW!! no... -__- not clubbing... hmmmm NO... not sweets... its STRAWBERRY DONUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!woohoOooo! diabetic haven i tell you... i refused to let anyone touch the heart shaped donuts or any donuts for that matter, yeah i "mai-yu" ! im selfish... im so mentally exhuasted from the lack of sleep, but FOR YOU i will travel to citibank tampines... im so nice hor?? HOR!????

-pauses- omg.. the donuts.. fucking good la... oh yes where was i?? ah hah, what did u EAT for lunch? besides coffee -__-" , seriously ur amt of coffee is equivalent to the amt of shit i snort into my system daily... DAH-LING ah DAH-LING, if i die you must wear all black and look superrrrrrrrrrrrrr HOT k? hahahhaha so i can get up from my coffin n go OoooOOOo, hello there? im JNW, you're hot, im hot, well tech im cold now but still, cld i have your number BABYYYYYYYYYYYY? then continue with dying.... hahaha.. you will so scream if i did that... u know the damsel in distress thing? hahaha you're damn good at that..

shit no more donuts, shd have brought more than one.. anyways... the perfect song that describes the cynical LIEN HUI LUEN... ta dah! im BUT OF COURSE the one singing the positive lines and ahem you wld be the one singing the CYNICIAL lines...seriously the song is so apt.. im the one believing in love and you think otherwise.. here we goooo .....

JNW: Love is a many splendored thing,
love, lifts us up where we
belong, all you need is love.
CYNICAL HL: Please, don't start that again.
JNW: All you need is love.
CYNICAL HL: A girl has got to eat.
JNW: All you need is love.
CYNICAL HL: she'll end up on the street.
JNW: All you need is love.
CYNICAL HL: Love is just a game.
JNW: I was made for loving you baby, you were made for loving me.
CYNICAL HL: The only way of loving me baby, is to pay a lovely ~~fee~~
JNW: Just one night, give me just one night.
CYNICAL HL: There's no way, ~~cuz you can't pay.~~
JNW: In the name of love, one night in the name of love.
CYNICAL HL: You crazy fool, I won't give in to you.
JNW: Don't leave me this way, I can't survive, without your sweet
love, oh baby, don't leave me this way.
CYNICAL HL: You'd think that people would have had enough of silly
love songs.
JNW: I look around me and I see, it isn't so, oh no.
CYNICAL HL: Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs.
JNW: Well what's wrong with that, I'd like to know, cause here I go
again! Love lifts us up where we belong, where eagles fly, on
a mountain high.
CYNICAL HL: Love makes us act like we are fools, throw our lives away
for one happy day.
JNW: We could be heroes, just for one day.
CYNICAL HL: You, you will be mean.
JNW: No, I won't!
CYNICAL HL: And I, I--I'll drink all the time.
JNW: We should be lovers.
CYNICAL HL: We can't do that.
JNW: We should be lovers, and that's a fact.
CYNICAL HL: Though nothing will keep us together.
JNW: We could steal time...
Both: Just for one day. We could be heroes, for ever and ever.
We could be heroes, for ever and ever. We could be heroes...
JNW: Just because I will always love you.
Both: I can't help loving you....
CYNICAL HL: How wonderful life is...
Both: Now you're in the world.
Elephant Love Song - Nicole Kidman

1:57 PM
In the words of jo