wasnt already feeling exactly dandy since morning.
to hear someone u care and love so much bawl her eyes out aint too good for the weary soul. didnt know how to make her day but to buy little yummies for her tea-time and hope she knows that though i aint there all the time, but i still care and love her just the same. though sometimes i yell at her for stupidest reasons, i truly didnt really mean it and that it was the anger that was talking. hope she'll feel better soon. must try to make it a point to accompany her at home for dinner. sigh.
was feeling worse come afternoon.
to not be understood and get fucked off in the process only adds to the heavy hearted feeling that lingered from morning. to try and explain proved to be futile. to keep silent only because im never good with words seemed to work to my disadvantage. to be all protective and all green eyed only because of what i really feel inside came out all wrong and i got smack in the face in the process. sometimes ur greatest assest (and im not even talking dirty here) can be ur greatest foe. It only tantamounts to my ultimate decision. . why lash it out on me. . i will not interfere anymore. i will wash my hands clean off the entire issue. so what if i feel pain, does it really matter?
was feeling horrible by evening (wanted to squat in the toilet and cry)
was washing jo jr and didi and i placed them on the table top where the sink was (fel always told me not to), went to throw the soiled water in the toilet bowl for hygienic reasons, and the next thing i knew jo jr ran ran ran and plop she fell to the ground. she was all curled up and frightened -think sitting on roller coaster with an unfinished rail- i picked her up and muttered im sorry im sorry, so afraid she's hurt. felt stupid for leaving her there thinking that she cant crawl so fast. washed her under the tap, and asked if she's ok, is she hurt, though not as if she can answer me but felt like shit... hope she's not hurt or anything. sigh* im careless...... next time im putting them in another bowl when i wash their tank... i will be so morbidly sad if she dies.... cant even tell anyone abt it.... what am i to do? shall indulge in the only comfort i have... till the next happier entry, let me wallow in guilt for abit....
We say things that we don't mean And that's the way love works out sometimes He's trippin She's trippin and we both be trippin and That's the way love works out sometimes Cause when it's on it's on and your no longer stressin' and life teaches a lesson that love is still a blessin
You wont believe it until you see it How much you need somebody And you'll never know how far you'll go When you love somebody
We tear it up To patch it up Break up To make up
Times like this I know you're still the one And the truth is that this is really love
