The past 6 months at work had been hell-ish. The boss has turned into a nightmare piece of shit and he'd rather trust some useless brainless junk than someone who actually does work. Absurd but this is life.
As much as i want to be brave and tender my resignation, i dont really know what else i am capable of doing, doing well that is. This job gives me some sort of standing in life, i am actually doing something good and meaningful. Sure, i am not a lawyer, not defending innocent people, not making big bucks, not as smart since i dont belong to the gifted lot, not driving a big car, unable to afford a house, unable to carry out very intellectual conversations, nor talk about all things geeky, but hey, at least i made it in life, right?
My job may be easy to many people, in the sense that i dont take on cases that involves homicide, drugs, robbery, rape, intellectual property, commercial offences. But i am not ashamed of what i do, who i am, where i received my education so no one should be in any position to comment on that either. And look, it is not as if you have done trials or face very shitty scream-y judges, so dont act like you guys know the hell i am talking about. If i had all the money in the world, i would have gone overseas, get my law degree, come back and do my bar exams. I dont even need to stay in the civil service for 5 years and hope they would grant me the exemption. We all hope for that. But i dont have the means, so i suck it up.
-end of bitching about work-
On another note, things have come to somewhat a standstill. I dont know if it is a good thing and that i should be grateful for what i have. But sometimes when you are down and almost out, because you have slogged like a slave, the last thing u need is to be reminded about how much work you do and how lowly you are being paid. i know i have been lazy, i know i want to do alot of things, like take up a hobby, go on more holidays, do something over the weekends, but i am so damn tired (physically) i seem to be incapable to do any of the above.
I dont have much to offer, not even monetary wise. But what i have i give it to the best of my abilities. I dont know if that is good enough. I should have been more thickskin before, like what someone once told you. You have the chance already, take it, be thickskin, if it backfires, at least i tried. Did i listen to that someone did i?
We will see how things go, how this pans out shall we?
He can tell me what to do, but he can't tell what to feel.
